Over the last few years of my drinking I came to a point where most of my waking hours were spent planning my next drink, or hiding my drinking and my daily drunk. I was lost in a miserable cycle of daily drinking, loneliness, fear and despair. I had come to a place in my life where it was clear to me that I could not stop drinking and must. I also believed that without alcohol I would not be able to survive. Here I have to repeat- while I was familiar with ideas of recovery therapy, religious solutions and of course I had heard of AA- I simply believed that there was nothing in this world that could help me with my alcoholism. The few times I had managed to string together some days on my own were unbearable, once I nearly made it two weeks. But instead of stopping for good and for all, I used it to fool myself into believing that if things got bad enough I would be able to stop again. I frequently confused stopping with staying stopped, quitting for a time with quitting for good. The obsession does that to alcoholics. This lasted almost another miserable five years, nearly losing my job, nearly losing my family. I even began to worry about my health, and yet I continued. One day, a dramatic set of events forced me to quit and on my therapists urging I agreed to attend AA meetings.
In my first few meetings I saw here was a way to not drink and survive. The first meeting I walked into of Alcoholics Anonymous was a nooner at a local Alano club. I immediately noticed the smiles and the laughter in the room as people shared stories that sounded very much like mine. They spoke of feeling different, being different and many problems with alcohol. I heard AA’s share my story of my problems with alcohol, problems with the law, the sad and disappointed family; and in the face of this an inability to stop drinking and repeating the damage. I began to see I was not alone, here there were others who wanted to stop, wanted to live right, but on their own couldn’t stay “stopped” and couldn’t seem to have a normal life. I quickly learned that here was a fellowship, a program of recovery which would help me not only get sober but have a happy life without the booze.
Meeting a couple of great guys at the Alano club I was talked into going to the Friday night men’s meeting. A group of men in that worked with me and gently (sometimes bluntly) helped me along. These sober fellows gave me direction where needed and pointed to our 12 Steps for real solutions to my alcoholic problems. They supplied laughter and support in the great quantities I needed. Most importantly they showed me how to pray and find a power that would keep me sober and happy. My sponsor explained working my 4th and 5th that I was inventorying and baring my soul to be rid of the things that had been blocking me my entire life from that Power that got me sober and would keep me sober. He started me working with others nearly the first time we open the Big Book together, he gave me a list of his other sponsee’s to call and read with.
I have learned that working with others is not teaching, it’s not even trying to get them sober. I’ve learned I only share the message as it was freely given to me. God keeps alcoholics sober not me. I do my work towards continuing my sobriety by sharing the message of hope and recovery found in our Big Book- the 12 Steps, our fellowship and my service commitments to AA. Working with another alcoholic is one of the most powerful and enjoyable parts of my recovery. Seeing the “ah-ha” moments, seeing the lights come back on in their eyes, and even hearing the great news of families being put back together. That brings a sense of purpose to my life I never knew how much I was lacking, and fulfillment I wouldn’t have believed possible for me. Not every day has been easy nor will all the rest be but I am helped by working with and helping others. Most every day I’m in contact with another alcoholic, either one of my friends supporting me, a sponsee or even just another AA talking life and recovery. I am daily working with others on whatever level my Higher Power shows me. In fact it’s really me trying to do my part to keep me sober. I work with others so I can stay sober, perhaps that’s what some are referring to when I hear this is a “selfish program.” Funny, everything I have been taught has pointed to our program as being happily selfless and our aim to be of maximum service to God and our fellows. Today I pray and mediate, work with others and simply do as God would have me do for this day; God has all the rest.